


congratulations

by olr



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: 20-25, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Established Relationship, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt/Comfort, It (2017) - Freeform, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, it (2019) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 10:55:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20834309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olr/pseuds/olr
Summary: maybe he’d been having his doubts for a while now. him and richie had felt like a background occurrence the last few years, ever since they moved to california and eddie had started at university, their relationship was something safe, stable, a background picture, something not needing to be considered. but now… now eddie was considering. and he was waiting too long to answer and richie’s grin was starting to falter and the wait was setting in. the wait for the congratulations, congratulations on the good news.or; richie gets the job, eddie, for the first time, doubts their relationship, richie is not on the same page and everything goes wrong.





	congratulations

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally based on "slide away" by miley cyrus, and it, well, took a turn but the song is still good so try listening to it idk and yes I quoted a line from it, because that line makes me absolutely go crazy.
> 
> i just like when couples have like "real" problems, like them not being perfect just makes them better and stronger idk and i'm a whore for hurt/comfort.
> 
> enjoy :)

eddie felt guilty. like tar tugging at his stomach lining. he was supposed to be happy and he supposed he was, but it wasn’t that easy. his mind was racing, back and forth, like a freight train, heavy and hard-hitting. maybe he’d been having his doubts for a while now. him and richie had felt like a background occurrence the last few years, ever since they moved to california and eddie had started at university, their relationship was something safe, stable, a background picture, something not needing to be considered. but now… now eddie was considering. and he was waiting too long to answer and richie’s grin was starting to falter and the wait was setting in. the wait for the congratulations, congratulations on the good news.

“eddie?” richie asked, looking slightly unsure of himself, grin gone, causing eddie to snap out of his thoughts.

“yes! yes! i’m so p- congratulations! i'm so proud of you, so so proud of you” he stumbled through the words, wanting to be honest, grappling richie into a tight hug, arms wrapped around his back, palms flat. richie leaned into the touch, squeezing him. eddie could feel him smile on his shoulder and looked left over richie’s own, focusing on the kitchen tiles. guilty.

“thank you” richie said earnestly, carelessly, unknowingly, leaning back, sunshine smile back on his face, the one that eddie adored but hurt to see at the moment. richie kissed him, still holding around him and eddie kissed back hard, almost desperate. guilty.

i can’t do this to him.

not now.

i can’t.

“i’m so fucking excited, this is like the dream, you know? me and you in new york and just this is such a big stepping stone for future opportunities, not that that even matters, you know, this is huge-”

richie's rambling, getting all riled up and excited. eddie’s richie. with big brown excited eyes and curly hair flopping on his forehead, tickling the top of his goofy glasses. mouth going a mile an hour. eddie looks at him like he’s the sun, shining brilliantly, gazing in awe but burning up inside. and eddie feels so guilty.

“like i dont even care if i do the show for like a year and then just die in a ditch, or maybe i would, i wouldn’t get to tap that ass anymore, but you get the point-”

he has to say something. he can’t not say anything? if not now? when? richie deserves to know. they should talk this out together. communication. isn't that the key?

“honestly i’m just shocked, are you shocked? you seem shocked” richie laughed lightly, taking eddie’s hands in his own. thumb stroking over thumb. “earth to eddie? new york’s calling, it’s richie tozier, future SN - fucking - L alumni and lucky motherfucker,” richie laughed, kissing his hands, the crease where his palms meet, his hair sweeps over his wrist. richie pulls eddie’s hand up and over his shoulders, moving their chests closer. eddie slid into position, hands interlocked behind his head, forced to lift onto his tiptoes to keep up with richie. he’s desperately trying to keep a wobbly smile on his face.

i have to tell him. 

you'll break his fucking heart.

i have to.

richie’s mouth keeps moving and eddie’s heart keeps pounding. he’s almost scared richie can feel it, he’d take it as a good sign. don’t give me the chance, don’t give me the chance.

richie’s eyes are darting around the room but for a moment they settle comfortably on eddie’s, like someone coming home, grounding, richie smiles, that bright, teasing smile, “i was getting tired of LA anyway-“

fuck. fucking perfect.

“i’m not.”

eddie regrets it the moment he says it, seeing richie’s smile falter and the insecurity set in, the confusion.

“huh?” richie tenses up, his hands fall from eddie’s waist to a barely-there touch of his hips. and eddie hates how much it hurts. how fucking wrong it all feels. the distance. the hostility. he feels miles away from the quiet comfort they had a few moments ago. but he can’t fucking take it back now.

“i’m not tired of LA. i-i have my job here and friends and-” eddie cleared his throat, glancing up before letting his eyes settle on richie again, “a network.”

“well…they have friends in new york as well eddie.” its said teasingly, like richie still has hope. hope that he isn’t doing this right now. the confusion has left his face, taken over by a slight offended huff and unbelieving eyes. richie was catching on, taking a step backwards, eddie’s arms slid from his shoulders and it felt so fucking wrong and eddie’s skin was screaming “come back” but he had to do this. if not now? when? richie looked eddie up and down and it was like the gravity that kept them glued together was letting up and they were becoming two moons, just simply taking up space. moving from place to place, or standing eerily still.

“it’s not that easy rich.” eddie pleaded. this was going all ways wrong.

“wait are you really doing this right now?” richie's tone was becoming steadily more accusatory, less soft, the pieces were falling off, cracking to reveal another side of richie, one eddie only caused, one he never wanted to see.

“what do you mean doing this?” eddie was panicking now.

but you know what he means.

you know exactly what this is.

“this.” richie stated simply, folding his arms, taking another step further away from eddie, further away from their usual relaxed, playful, tender atmosphere. and eddie desperately wished he could turn back time, back to richie’s excited rambling, back to his hope, back to richie’s flawless image of his boyfriend. before eddie revealed himself as selfish, and eddie felt like a pothole had fallen together in their apartment floor and there was nothing he could do. richie’s silence and bluntness was terrifying. like going to your school after dark and seeing a place usually filled with light and life rendered empty and hollow.

they didn’t fight often, they play fought and quarrelled and bickered and teased and argued often, but they didn’t fight. not like this. and even if they did it wasn’t about stuff like this. this.

“what this?”

“you tell me.”

“i just…don’t think you’ve really taken my life and my view into it when considering this…” eddie started carefully, “did you ever think i didn’t want to just follow you around for my entire life” and it’s real now, no going back, and even though eddie didn’t want to do it this way he feels himself getting angry, mad at richie for not considering him in such a huge choice, taking it for granted. and he liked being taken for granted, he wanted richie to believe that he’d follow him anywhere, he wanted to want to follow him anywhere. but he didn’t.

“are you fucking kidding me?! i moved here because of you! i've been following you, what you do, what you decide-, every decision we’ve made has come from what you want, what you need! a-are you really doing this right now? fuck, eds.”

“i’m sorry, okay! but we need to talk about this, i’ve been thinking about this for a while now-“ 

richie’s face breaks. first with hurt, then pain and the it all turns into anger.

“what? this is like an actual thing? what are you tired of me?” richie is angry quiet, the worst kind, the slow burning, home wrecking kind.

eddie would like to believe he was keeping his composure, but that would be a risky bet, “oh come on, you haven’t been thinking about this stuff lately?”

“no! no! of course not, i love you! i want to be with you, and the rest is just stuff we work out, right?” richie's tone turns the slightest side of whiny, desperate.

eddie is so still. the gravity’s gone.

“don’t you love me?” richie's voice breaks.

“don’t say that like that! why are you even asking that?” and eddie’s angry, angry that this is going so bad. how else was it supposed to go? angry that richie would doubt his fucking love for him.

“is that a no?” richie's voice and temperature fades out to the end, eyebrows unknitting, looking more vulnerable than eddie’s seen him in a long time.

“richie! of course i do, i just-“ eddie felt like he was suffocating, instinctively patting his jean pockets for his inhaler. not there. fuck. he shakes his hands nervously. tears pricking at his eyes. if not now? when? “i just- i feel like i need some space, or something, that we need space, so we can think”

“what the fuck are you talking about? what fucking happened?! we've never needed space!”

eddie feels paralysed.

you fucking started it.

“eddie?” richie asks desperately. staring into his eyes, his own wide and brown and beautiful, his mouth hangs slightly open, lips red, cheeks flushed.

“i just can’t think! i can’t think- i can’t think about it rationally! maybe, i don’t know, maybe this is just natural you know, people grow apart, things- things change! we’re not seventeen anymore, i’m not who i used to be! and- and we’re changing, you’re changing, you’re life is changing. and i’m so fucking happy for you, like new york and everything, i’m so proud of you, i just don’t know where i fit in, like, in that life. in that life.”

“if it’s such a fucking problem for you. you don’t have to come.” cold.

“richie…”

“no, that’s what you want isn’t it? you just need a fucking reason to leave. well here you go here’s your chance.”

“no! n-no. i just need to think, i just need some fucking space-”, eddie can feel a panic attack coming along, he needs out. how did it all go so horribly wrong?

“don’t do this.” richie's voice is calm, quiet, pleading. his eyes are shiny wet and eddie loves him so fucking much.

“i’m so sorry.” he says, grappling for the door handle behind him. he only now realises how far they are from each other, richie feels ages away. he swings the door open and pulls out, frantically, closing the door the same way one opens an engagement box, betting it all on love.

**Author's Note:**

> bully me into writing the second part for this, i hate angst without comfort so u know i have a part two planned.
> 
> this is not beta-read because i'm not a nerd, correct me if there's anything bothering u lmao. also all the italics went away when copy-pasting this, but I can't look at it any longer so here u go.
> 
> thx for reading!


End file.
